My Structural Struggle
When I decided to take on NaBloPoMo, I knew it would be a challenge. I don’t do daily things very well. I always end up having one day that doesn’t pan out, that interrupts the flow, and then I give up. I stop completely. I accept defeat.
Yesterday was the second time I haven’t posted in the less than two weeks of this month of daily posts. That’s pretty piss poor performance.
But I’m forcing myself to write now. As much as I really don’t want to, would rather work on something else, and can’t think of anything to write about, this is me forcing myself to not give in.
It isn’t just with writing, though. Anything that involves a rigid structure — or even a structure that I could perceive as rigid — is a problem. I don’t do well without structure, either, though. I need to find the right balance of structure and freedom.
The problem is that I’ve never found that balance. Never.
I honestly don’t know if it even exists. I might just need to keep fighting with myself to find whatever is the closest to that balance.