Obligatory Post About Pregnancy, Or How Hyperemesis Has Taken Over My Life
As of writing this, I am 15 weeks and 4 days pregnant. While I’m looking forward to having the kid, so far pregnancy has been fairly miserable. I will write about that in more length another time, with a first-person account of the horrors of hyperemesis. (Although, re-reading this, most of this post is significantly influenced by hyperemesis, and inadvertently about experiencing pregnancy with hyperemesis. I still might write about it more directly later, though. It’s a beast that deserves its own real post.)
The physical misery of the pregnancy has put a bit of a damper on the whole joy of pregnancy. (See, already all about hyperemesis.) Looking at the various pregnancy forums, at 15 weeks I should be excitedly posting photos of my developing bump, guessing from the first scan whether it’s a boy or a girl, and generally cooing over every possible thing that can be shoved into a nursery.
I’m not, though. I’m focusing on how long until my next anti-emetic, whether I’ve eaten anything in the past hour, and how many bottles of water I’ve had in a given day. (More about hyperemesis.) I’m waiting for the excitement, and it still isn’t there. The idea that this flu-like feeling (hyperemesis) will eventually lead to an actual human that will fit in the baby clothes we’re starting to collect is something I understand in a logical way, but not entirely in an emotional way.
There are a few reasons for this, and I know that. I’m well-read in the comorbidity of mental health diagnoses and pregnancy, and I’ve become nearly as well-read in the comorbidity of hyperemesis (again), pregnancy, and mental health. Again, I understand it all in a logical way, but not entirely in an emotional way.
iI’m looking forward to having this child, but I’m also looking forward to this pregnancy being over with. (I can’t get away from hyperemesis and neither can this post.) November seems so far away, though.
I’m trying to get myself engaged in the pregnancy. I’m looking at clothes and furniture and whatnot, but we’re still a long ways off from buying much of it. (We’ll find out the gender in a month, so we’re waiting on some things, and trying to clear some space for everything else.) Other than a few novelty items of baby clothing, it’s all a bit abstract.
Maybe I’ll feel this abstraction until the kid shows up and is real. Maybe it’ll fade before then. Maybe I’m just really bad at pregnancy. Whatever the case, I’m riding it out. Roll on November! (And the definite end of hyperemesis.)
(See, it did end up being a lot about hyperemesis. But then, so has my pregnancy so far. So it kinda makes sense. I might try to write another post if I have a particularly good day and see how it turns out. If I have a particularly good day and have time to write a post. When they do come, however rarely, it’s usually my chance to try to catch up with normal life and work things.)