A one-week challenge: Day 2
As I mentioned yesterday, we’re challenging ourselves this week to snap out of a few months of hedonism. Since the autumn, we’ve had parties, holidays, and more than our fair bit of over-indulgence.
Day one ended ok, well… sorta. As I was only awake for 12 hours, it wasn’t too difficult to stay under my caloric goal. We had both decided to not eat after 9, which wasn’t too difficult, though there was a lot of thinking about food. When I went to bed at 12, my stomach started growling as I read a really shit book.
I got up at an unusually early 8:15 (going to bed at 12 helped, plus I didn’t get kept awake by the helicopter’s futile search at 2 am) and waited until the coffee was brewed to have my breakfast.
This has been more of a challenge than I was expecting. I have gone for longer periods of not eating much. When I’ve got any big chunk of work in front of me, I can go for a week with barely anything during the day. Today, though, all I could think about was eating.
I don’t know what’s different now. Maybe it’s just that if it’s only in my head, there’s no accountability if I fail. I just eat and get on with things, and have a bit of self-hatred. But with this, being open and public about it, it means I have to keep to it. I have to stick to my limits, and that’s already got me a bit panicked.
There’s all sorts of talk about alcoholism, and the symptom that you’re always thinking about your next drink. Today, that’s how I feel about food. I’m looking at my remaining calories for the day and trying to figure out how I’m going to stay within the limits but not be hungry.
I can tell already that my mood is going downhill. I’m on edge today, though less so after having a bowl of soup and two Ryvitas. I know it’s going to get worse before it gets better, and I apologize to anyone who interacts with me over the next few days.
When I inadvertently cut back my food intake, it only takes a few days before my stomach gets used to it. I know in a few days it’ll take less for me to feel full, and I will get to a point of being comfortable. By Saturday, I should be pretty well set for not eating a lot (but still worried about the challenge of not eating snacks during cards).
I’ve never openly dieted before, and I don’t like being on a diet. I don’t like being so obsessed with food and what I can or can’t eat. I’m trying to keep busy, away from the things that usually end up with me grazing — sitting doing non-intense computer work is always a way for me to think about how I’m a bit peckish.
As much as my body is still hurting from the 9 days of cold (it’s amazing how many muscles you tense while shivering and trying to keep your core temperature steady), I think I’m going to get into some exercise things today. If nothing else, an hour of dicking around on the Wii is an hour I’ll be distracted from the desire to eat.