Just call me Iceberg Slim
This is an extended reply to this post on @Vivisunoriginal’s blog.
A week or so ago, our dear friend @vivisunoriginal put up a blog post in which she said:
The thought of joining any kind of singles activity fills me with both fear and depression. The thought of being single for the rest of my life also fills me with both fear and depression. The thought of meeting somebody new and having to create a good impression just fills me with plain absolute fear.I don’t know what the answer is. I do know that I need to move on, I need to stop dwelling on what used to be and start accepting what is, or do something about it. I wouldn’t want to go back in time, the one thing I am absolutely sure of is that I would never ever want a reconciliation, with either ex husband.
I’m just so fed up of always being the ‘spare part’.
There were many things in her post of 2August that I thought were a load of crap. She went on about being feeling awkward and apologetic and a ‘hanger on’ when going out with friends who are in couples. Crap. The stuff about being overweight, unattractive, and with lots of baggage. Crap.
My reaction, which I shared with Adam (@mcleveyartist), was that this was a load of crap and that Viv is being stupidly down on herself. See, Viv is one of the best people we’ve met. Kind to a fault, she supports everyone around her. At the same time, though, she’s incredibly funny and can be wonderfully bitchy. (This is a good thing, as we have a rather evil sense of humour.)
So I Googled a site that I know another member of the Twitterati had been signed up to when he was single, and that I’d read about a few times on these great big ol’ interwebs. Viv gave a very firm no to the idea. (I did toy with the idea of putting up a profile anyway, but didn’t.)
This time, Viv didn’t even say maybe. Viv said no.
Since then, I’ve let the subject drop, enjoying her post about her lucky escape and allowing her to go on about how this is justification for not meeting somebody online.
The lucky escape story was somebody who she had known at school. Still turned out to be a paedophile. To me, this proves that it doesn’t matter how you know somebody, or how long ago you met, they can still turn out to be very, very wrong.
I’m respecting Viv’s wishes, though, and not posting anything on a dating site. The world of online dating won’t get to know this awesome woman who has quickly become one of the best friends I have. They won’t know about her love of music, art, theatre, and dance. They won’t know about how she’s a great mother to her kids (even if she doesn’t think so sometimes).
I’m immensely proud of Viv as she becomes her own person, rather than somebody’s wife. I’m lucky to call her a friend, and really I think that’s at the base of my ‘pimping’. I don’t think it’s fair to keep her to ourselves. (Of course, if she goes off in a relationship and is all about him and doesn’t have time enough for us, I’ll throw an almighty strop and demand a double date or something.)
There are some bad things about Viv. After years of various types of people being dicks to her, she seems to believe the things they’ve said. When I said she’s kind to a fault, I meant it. This is a woman who has literally let a man walk all over her. This is a woman who has allowed her mother’s anorexia to convince her that she’s overweight. This is a woman who has let her kids get so used to her help that they give her hell when she tells them to get a job.
So this is Viv. A wonderful woman who needs to be convinced of it. I won’t put it on a dating profile, and won’t even say she’s available for dating. But if you think you’re a suitable single man, and would like to go out with me and Adam and maybe an incredible person we know (maybe Viv, maybe not… not implying anything here…), let me know. I’ll start putting you through the vetting process, because I’ll be damned if I’m letting my friend get involved with a person who can’t appreciate her.